Шутки юмора: quotes from letters to islington council's housing department

В своё время встречалось что-то подобное по-русски. Навроде "доярка Дуня сошла со сцены, и на неё сразу же взгромоздился председатель". И вот, пожалуйста, надыбался английский эквивалент.

Можно, наверное, условно перевести понятие council's HD как эквивалент нашего ЖЭКа. В общем, туда жалуются:

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. [прямо дзен какой-то!]

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction. [унизил клерка, и всё ему мало]

We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

[и, наконец, самое сильное: ] The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?